I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a hot homeless man
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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