He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
