i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
no you cant smoke seaweed
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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