drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
