I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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