why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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