There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
