if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
