the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
