duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
