So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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