My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
