i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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