If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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