I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
