Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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