dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
stop calling my apartment porn island.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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