Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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