I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
