So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
