I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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