Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
