honey bunches of taint.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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