Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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