I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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