on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dear god my vagina.
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