I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
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