I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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