totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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