i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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