Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
