Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
