Your mouth is God's brothel.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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