Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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