I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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