i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize