I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
