Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
