That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
