Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
