hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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