Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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