i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
