Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
