is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
True strength comes from lack of pants
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
