just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize