smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
