Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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