Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
