jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
