on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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