I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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