so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
