All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
