fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
