Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
