Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
