So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize