Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
