I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
