I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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