She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
