He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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