Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
