I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My hand turned me down
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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