Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
