she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
