Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
