We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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