I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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