So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
