Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
