so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
