She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
