so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
