I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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