So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
