I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
