i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
