this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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