I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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