Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize