I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He? As in you personified your dick?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
