if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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