If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
