She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
