do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
