I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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