dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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