I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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