I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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