Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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