So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
