god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
