Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
