he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
